Me without You
by KittieKat121
Summary: After Alice and Jasper decide they should 'take a break', forces bigger than them decide to step in to save their relationship. Alice and Jasper are about to discover what life would be like if they'd never met...and they don't like what they see...
1. Chapter 1

**Me without You**

**A/N: Hey, I'll keep this short but I just wanted to say that this is a story I'm using to relieve writers block and it will probably be fairly short, but hopefully it will still be good and you'll like it :) If you have any questions or requests of what you want to happen just ask :) **

Chapter 1

_~Alice POV~_

I hurled a rock at Jasper.

"How could you even _think_ that?" I screamed. Jasper dodged the rock, glaring daggers at it as it shot past at inhuman speed.

"You've been feeling guilty for weeks." Jasper said

"Yeah, because we've been fighting loads, not because I was having an _affair_!" I yelled, spitting the word out like it was poison in my mouth. I couldn't _believe_ that Jasper had thought for even a second that I would cheat on him! Sure, we'd been fighting a lot recently, but that didn't mean I was being unfaithful!

"And why have we been fighting loads?" Jasper shot back. The second rock in my hand that I had been about to throw crumbled as I crushed it in my frustration.

"I don't know!" I shouted, then quieter, "I don't know." I looked at the collection of holes in the ground and trees around Jasper that had been created by the many rocks than I'd hurled at him with vampire strength and speed, then I looked back to Jasper's golden eyes, "What's wrong with us Jazz?"

"Nothing's wrong with us." Jasper answered automatically

"Nothing's wrong with us?" I asked incredulously, "Jasper, we've been together for almost a century and we've always forgiven each other and understood each other! We never fought over _anything_, and now all it takes is a broken plate to start a screaming match between us! What the hell happened? When did we get like this?"

"I don't know." Jasper admitted. We'd been fighting for months now, and it seemed like neither of us knew why. We argued about stuff that didn't even matter, like what to watch on tv or where to hunt. Half the time I _knew_ it was a pointless argument, but I carried on anyway, and I had no idea why.

I sat down in defeat, slumping against a nearby tree and staring at the floor. Jasper came and sat next to me, staring at the same spot. I sighed, "Maybe we should take a break."

I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. I had no idea where they had come from - take a break? I didn't want to take a break! Jasper looked across at me, "Take a break from what?"

"Us." I said, my mouth taking control over my brain, which was screaming at me to stop. What the hell was I talking about? Why would I want to take a break from us? I loved us! I loved Jasper! Still, I carried on talking nonsense. "I mean, spend some time away from each other, clear our heads. Maybe we'll argue less."

I begged myself to take it back, but the best I could do was to press my lips firmly shut and stop talking. I waited for Jasper's response, for him to tell me to stop talking like a crazy person. "Okay."

"What?" I asked, staring at him.

"I think you're right." He said, "We'll spend a few weeks apart."

"A few weeks?" I squeaked. I hadn't been apart from Jasper for more than a couple of days in almost a century. _How_ was I going to last a few weeks away from him?

"Bye, Alice." Jasper said. He kissed me lightly on the cheek before standing up and disappearing into the forest. I stared after him. A few weeks. Without Jasper. On a break.

Why the hell had I suggested this?

I stood up to go back to the house and suddenly realised that there was a woman stood in front of me. I hadn't heard or sensed her coming, and yet she was standing right in front of me. She wasn't a vampire...or a human...but I couldn't make out what she actually was. She had ash blonde hair that curled past her shoulders, and bright blue eyes. She was wearing a blue-ish gray robe with a hood that she wore up, and she was surrounded by a faint glow. She was smiling at me as I automatically took of a defensive stance.

"Hello Alice." She said in a smooth lullaby voice.

"Who are you?" I asked, my eyes going to the house and wondering why no one had come outside to see who the intruder was. Even if, like me, they hadn't sensed her arrive, they must be able to hear us now, surely?

"I am Meredith." The woman said. She didn't give me any more information than that and I just stared at her for a moment. How had she known my name?

"_What_ are you?" I finally asked

"I am a Tenshi. We usually look after mortal souls and relationships, but immortal works too." She told me. My confusion must have shown on my face because she smiled, almost sympathetically, at me and explained, "Some call us Angels."

"You're a...an angel?" I asked, shocked. It crossed my mind that if vampires and werewolves existed...why not angels?"

"That's what we've come to be known as in your culture." Meredith told me, "But some of your kind knew us from the days when we made ourselves known to the people of Earth. The Tenshi used to live amongst the people here, but it became too dangerous. People became greedy for our powers, it was better that we kept ourselves hidden. We live now in Tengoku - in Heaven."

"But if you're supposed to be hidden, why are you here?" I asked

"I believe I told you we looked after souls and relationships?" Meredith asked

"I don't have a soul. And my relationship just walked into the forest..." I trailed off, "Oh."

"Exactly." Meredith said, stepping closer, "I am here to help you."

"Why?" I asked

"Angels are never too distant to hear you cry." Meredith told me

"I can't cry." I said simply

"You can cry in here." Meredith said, touching where my heart was. I was about to tell her that it stopped beating over a hundred years ago, but she shook her head, "It doesn't matter whether it beats or not."

"How did you know-" I began

"I know everything." Meredith told me, "It's one of the many gifts of the Tenshi."

"But...why are here to help _me_?" I asked, "There's got to be thousands of relationships falling apart all over the world. There can't be an angel to help every one of those!"

"The relationship you and Jasper share is not just one the thousands of other relationships in the world." Meredith said, "And not just because your love is stronger or because you've been together so long."

"So why?" I asked

"Your relationship has served good to the world." Meredith said, "You've done a lot of good without even knowing it. Saved a lot of lives, even. The world would be a very different place without it."

"What? You can't honestly be telling me that it would make a difference if Jasper and I had never met?" I asked

"Tenshi are never anything but honest." Meredith said

"So, you're trying to help me and Jasper because otherwise something bad is going to happen to the world, is that it?" I asked

"I'm trying to help you and Jasper because you deserve to be helped." Meredith told me, "Besides you're Matchi."

"What?" I asked, confused again.

"Matchi - it's a word we use. It means that you were chosen in Heaven to be matched together." Meredith explained, "So it's fate that you end up together."

"Wait, so what you're saying is that me and Jasper are _literally_ a match made in Heaven?" I asked. Meredith paused.

"Yes, I guess so." She said. I laughed, but Meredith looked deadly serious, "I don't think you understand how important your relationship is."

"Of course I do!" I said, "I love Jasper with everything I have - he's my whole world!"

"That's not the same thing as understanding the importance of your relationship." Meredith told me

"Well maybe if _he_ understood a little more instead of just agreeing to take a break and then walking off!" I said before I could stop myself. I sounded like a stroppy four year old, and I knew it.

Meredith sighed and rolled her eyes, "Alright, this is harder than I thought it would be. Come on."

She grabbed my hand and before I knew what was happening we weren't outside my house anymore. I didn't recognise the place we were in, but it looked like we were outside some kind of school.

"What the hell did you just do to me?" I asked, jumping away from Meredith. That hadn't been like running superfast between places. That had been like we'd disappeared from one place and just appeared in the other. It had been like magic.

"Terepotation." Meredith said, "It's how we travel from place to place. Kind of like a teleport."

"But...where are we?" I asked

"Southern California. I want to show you what life would be like if you'd never met Jasper." She told me

"If...what are you talking about?" I asked

"Follow me." Meredith said, and she began walking towards the building in front of us. I saw no choice but to do as she said and follow her. She led me past a crowd of people who paid no attention to us and into what looked like a gym. She led me round the bleachers and stood right in front of where everyone was sat. No one seemed to care that she was blocking their view. In fact...they seemed to carry on watching...through her. Meredith saw my bewildered expression and explained, "They can't see or hear us. We can't interact with them at all, we're just observing."

"Oh." Was all I managed to say as I came to stand next to her. I turned to see for the first time what everyone was watching. It looked like cheerleading.

"Check out the girl on top of the pyramid." Meredith told me. I lifted my gaze to the top of the high human pyramid and stared for a second. The girl was short - though it was hard to tell as she was so high up - and had ebony hair. My enhanced eyesight allowed me to see her golden coloured eyes and the faint scar on her neck. Her hair was long and tied back into a ponytail, but it was unmistakably me. "You got hair extensions to try and 'fit in' more." Meredith put air quotes around the words 'fit in'. "I guess it was Jasper who told you that you looked good with short hair."

Actually, it was.

"I became a cheerleader?" I asked, staring at the girl. The cheerleading outfit consisted of a blue and white pleated mini skirt, with blue shorts underneath, and a blue and white crop top, showing a bare midriff. It didn't look like something I would wear.

"It made sense. You can jump really high and move quickly and do all the tricks, even if you keep if to a level that humans wouldn't find suspicious." Meredith said.

"I suppose." I said, "I just...never pictured myself as a cheerleader."

"A lot of things are different in your life without Jasper." Meredith said, watching as this other me flipped off of the pyramid and landed neatly on the floor in front. She clapped a long with the rest of the crowd, even thought the only person who could see or hear it was me. She took something out of her robe that looked like a golden hoop. The first thing my mind went to was a halo, which made me laugh. A tiny section of the hoop was black, and Meredith was looking at this section. She put the hoop back into her robe and turned to me, "Look, sorry to drop you in at the deep end, but I'm running behind schedule. I'll check up on you soon, but I know you'll be fine. Good luck!"

"Wait, _what_?" I asked

"Oh, did I forget to say?" Meredith asked, putting her palm to her forehead, "I always do that. You need to become this person and live her life - that way you will truly understand what it would be like without Jasper in your life."

"_What_?" I said again

"When I leave, you will become _that_ Alice." Meredith gestured to the cheerleader, "You will live her life, as if you had never met Jasper. Obviously, you'll still have your own thoughts and memories, but you will be able to see what the world would be like if you had never fallen in love."

"No, wait! You can't do that!" I argued, "You can't just _leave_ me here!"

"I'll be back." Meredith promised, "I'll be here to help you, but I really am late."

"But-" I began, but Meredith had disappeared. A strange sensation came over me, and then I found myself across the room. I looked down at myself...wearing a blue and white cheerleaders uniform.

Crap.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, let me know what you thought :) **

**By the way, all the 'Angel words' like Tenshi, Tengoku, and Matchi, are in Japanese...so they literally mean 'Angel', 'Heaven', and 'Matched', but in Japanese. I'm not sure why I chose Japanese, I thought it was pretty :) Anyways...The next chapter will be about Jasper...I'll probably update it later today... :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Me without You**

Chapter 2

_~Jasper POV~_

I stalked into the forest, cursing myself with every step that I took. _Okay_? Why the hell had I said okay? _A few weeks_? What was I thinking? I couldn't spend a few weeks away from Alice! Still...she had suggested that we take a break. _She_ wanted this - how could I disagree?

My fist went through a tree trunk. How had this happened? I needed to go back and sort this out. I couldn't go a few weeks without her. I _couldn't_. I turned on myself and went back home, taking my time to try and figure out what I should say. The extra time didn't help at all. When I got back, she wasn't outside where I'd left her, so I assumed she must be in the house.

"Alice?" I called as I stepped inside. Esme appeared in the doorway.

"I thought she was with you?" She said

"She was." I said, "But I left and I thought...I think I did something stupid Esme."

Esme gave me a sympathetic look. She knew about all the arguing. All the Cullens did - how could they not when they had advanced hearing and we'd been shouting loud enough for humans in entirely different continents to hear?

"She'll come back when she's ready." Esme told me

"I'm going looking for her." I said, and I left before Esme could convince me otherwise. I raced through the forest, realising that I had no idea of where to start looking. Why did she have to leave? Why couldn't she have just stayed home so we could talk about this? Why did she have to overact to everything? God, I was getting angry just _thinking_ about it. Maybe we really _did_ need a break. This couldn't be healthy.

"You won't find her." A smooth lullaby voice said. I spun around to see a woman standing behind me. I hadn't heard or sensed her approach, and now...she smelt weird. Not vampire, not human, not werewolf...not anything I'd come across before. She had blonde curly hair and shining blue eyes, and she was wearing a blue-ish gray cloak. A faint glow surrounded her as she smiled sympathetically at me, "Alice isn't here."

"How do you know about Alice?" I growled

"Calm down, Jasper." The woman said softly, "Let me explain myself before you get angry." I waited, glaring at the woman. "I am Meredith. I'm a Tenshi - an Angel, as you will know me. It is my job to look after souls and relationships. I'm here to help you."

I narrowed my eyes at her, "An Angel?"

The woman - Meredith - rolled her eyes at the term. "Yes."

"Why are you here to help me?" I asked.

Meredith sighed, "You too?" I looked at her, confused, but she just carried on, "Alright, the relationship that you and Alice share is important - for you, and for many other people in the world. Without it - if you had never met - everything would be different."

"We can't be that significant." I argued

"Of course you are!" Meredith said, "You're Matchi - before you ask, that means that you were paired by angels in heaven and that it was fate that you end up together."

"If it's fate that we end up together, why do we need help?" I asked

"No one strong enough that they don't need help." Meredith told me, "But sometimes, two simple little words like 'help me' become the most difficult thing to say."

"So how can you help?" I asked after a moment's silence.

"I am going to show you what life would be like if you had never met Alice." Meredith told me. I stared at her.

"What?" I asked

"I'm going to show you what your life would be like now, if you and Alice had never found each other and fallen in love." Meredith said, and before I had time to protest, she had taken my hand and pulled me into the unknown. In an instant, we were somewhere else, but it was as if we hadn't moved at all. Meredith dropped my hand and looked around. "Hu, didn't expect to end up here."

"Where are we?" I asked

"Northern Mexico - right by the border, actually." Meredith said

"Mexico?" I stared at her.

"Yep." She said, "This is where you would be, had you never met Alice."

I looked around at my surroundings. It looked like we were outside a school. "Do I go to this school?"

Meredith nodded, "Come on, I'll show you!" She led me inside and down a corridor to a classroom, where she opened the door and walked straight into a lesson. She turned to me to explain, "They can't see or hear us - come inside! Check out the guy sat in the back corner."

I looked over and did a double take. The guy that sat there had honey blonde hair and a crooked smile, and his skin was littered with crescent shaped scars. It was me. I stared at his eyes, which were brown. Contacts, I realised. My eyes must be red.

"Without Alice, it never crossed your mind to become a vegetarian vampire." Meredith said from behind me. I hadn't realised that I'd begun walking towards the other me. "To this day, you're still drinking human blood." I stared at the boy in front of me. How could that be me? _How_ could it? "It _is_ you."

I turned to face Meredith again, "Why are you showing me this?"

"You need to understand how important your relationship is." She said

"I know how important it is! It's everything!" I protested

"Knowing isn't the same as understanding." Meredith said with a small sigh, "You need to live this life - this life without Alice - to really understand."

"Live it...what do you mean?" I asked

"I have to leave you here, to live as this person." Meredith said, "I'll be back, and I'll always be here to help, but you need to do this."

"Wait - if I never went vegetarian, how am I here - with all these humans?" I asked, the question suddenly occurring to me.

"An extra century allowed you to practice self control." Meredith said, "It's hard, but you make the day as long as you hunt before and after school. You thought it would be important to go to school and blend in. Is that all of your questions?"

"No - wait, I have loads!" I said. Meredith gave me a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry, but I think you're going to have to figure those out for yourself." She took a golden hoop out from under her cloak. It looked almost like a halo. She looked down at a small section of the hoop that was black in colour. "I'm late. I'll come back, but I know you'll be fine. Good luck."

"But I-" I began, but then she was gone, and I was suddenly sat the other side of the room. I had become the other me, sat in the back corner pretending to listen to what the teacher was saying.

What the hell was I going to do now?

* * *

**A/N: Heyy, sorry it was a bit short...the chapters will be longer from now on :) Did you like it?...let me know in a review :)**

**I'll update again soon :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Me without You**

Chapter 3

**Day One**

_~Alice POV~_

I glared at the crowds that were applauding the cheerleading display. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Magically becoming a different person had never been something I'd anticipated. What was a girl supposed to do in this kind of situation?

Luckily for me, the display appeared to be over, and the cheerleaders were skipping out of the gym. Unsure of what else to do, I followed them round to the changing rooms where most of them were chattering excitedly. One - with ash blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail and sparkling green eyes - bounded up to me.

"Omigosh Mary, that was the best performance yet!" She gushed. _Mary_? No one had called me Mary in almost a century. I smiled weakly at the girl, wondering who the hell she was.

"Yeah it was good." I said for lack of a better response

"Hey Mary, hey Fern." A second girl joined us - this one with curly chestnut hair and eyes to match - revealing the name of the first girl.

"Hey Kelly." Fern smiled at the brunette

"Hey." I greeted as well, acting as if I hadn't only just met the girls in front of me.

"Coach said we can go as soon as we're ready." Kelly told us, "The guys are heading down to ChiChi's and they wanted to know if we'd join them."

I had no idea who the 'guys' were or what 'ChiChi's' was, but Fern seemed enthusiastic enough and I didn't know what else to do. Where was I supposed to go? Home? Where the hell was that? I didn't even know where I lived in this 'other life'!

"Sure." I said

"Alright, come on!" Kelly said, taking my hand and pulling me towards the exit. Weren't we going to change into something a little less...revealing? The word 'slutty' also popped into my mind. We exited through the fire exit to find two cars waiting for us. One was a silver Mercedes convertible with the top down, and the other was a black pickup truck. People were already sat in all of the proper seats, and more people were piling in where they could fit. Kelly jumped into the Mercedes, perching on the trunk with only her legs inside the car, so she was sat on the back of the seats. She gestured for me to climb up next to her, so I did. Fern joined me on the other side.

The guy in the drivers seat turned around to face us. He had short dark brown hair - almost black - spiked up in a 'cool guy' look, and bright blue eyes. He grinned at us, "Welcome ladies."

"Drive Danny." Fern ordered with a roll of her eyes and the guy - Danny - turned back around to face the road. With a jerk the car started and we sped away from the school. If I didn't have perfect balance, I would have gone flying. The pickup - with as many people as possible piled in the back - was following us. It was getting dark now - it must have been sometime in the evening - and it was growing harder and harder to make out where we were going.

Finally, the car stopped outside what looked like a diner. Everyone started piling out of the cars and into the lit up building. As we sat down in a collection of booths, it struck me how very _fifties_ this all was. If it wasn't for the fashion, that is. Danny sat beside me and slung an arm around my shoulder. I almost flinched away, on instinct, but I stopped myself. This was obviously normal behaviour in this life, so I shouldn't start acting weird and drawing attention to myself.

"He's your boyfriend by the way." A voice said into my ear. I would have shrieked out loud if I hadn't been using all my concentration to look normal. I turned my head slightly and I saw Meredith leaning over the back of the booth. Obviously, as no one else seemed to have noticed her sudden appearance, I was the only one who could see her.

And then, her words really sank in. _Boyfriend_? I had a _boyfriend_? That can't be right.

"Of course it's right!" Meredith said, knowing my thoughts immediately, "Would I lie to you?"

I decided that talking out loud to thin air would seem a bit weird, so I opted to talking in my thoughts like I would usually do with Edward. _How would I know if you'd lie - I don't even know you! _I thought at Meredith.

"Tenshi don't lie." Meredith said.

_How do I know _that's_ not a lie?_ I thought.

"Because it isn't!" Meredith said in a rather annoyed tone, "Now do you want to hear about Danny or not?"

I paused. _Okay. Tell me about him, but I don't believe he's my boyfriend. I wouldn't date anyone other than Jasper._

"This you doesn't even know Jasper exists." Meredith pointed out, and she carried on speaking before I could fire an accusation at her in my thoughts, "You've been dating Danny for a couple of months now. You've known him for a few years, since you moved here to Alpine."

_I've been here a few years?_ I asked

"Yep, when you moved here you told everyone you were 16, and it's been three years now." Meredith told me, "So you're at your real age now."

So many questions were running through my mind, but I asked the most important one. _Do I live still live with the Cullens_?

"Oh, yes!" Meredith said, "Just because you never met Jasper, you still had your visions of you living with the Cullen family. You found them by yourself, and you've been living with them for, what - fifty years now?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. Some people I would know, at least! People I trusted. Maybe I could even tell them what was going on and they-

"No." Meredith cut me off, "You can't tell anyone!"

_Why?_ I asked

"This is magic we're dealing with!" Meredith said, "Something you are not familiar with, but let me tell you - if anyone finds out about this, there will be dire consequences! Do you understand that?" It was the first time I had seen Meredith loose her calm exterior as she looked at me with a slight panic in her eyes. "Do you understand, Alice?"

_Yes. I understand_. I thought. _But what_-

"Turn back to your friends - you look suspicious." Meredith said and she seemed to fade away. I turned my gaze back to the crowd around me and sure enough several people were giving me strange looks.

"Mary?" Danny asked

"Sorry, I was somewhere else." I apologized, "What are we talking about?"

Fern launched into a speech about cheerleading and I zoned out again. I saw Meredith materialize behind the booth again as Kelly moved on to talk about what she wanted to order.

_Hey, I have a question_. I thought towards Meredith.

"Shoot." Meredith said, leaning back over the booth. The more I talked to her, the more the superior well spoken angel disappeared and the more the modern teenager that she physically looked like showed.

_Why is everything here like something out of a bad fifties movie?_ I asked. Meredith laughed.

"It's not always like this." Meredith said, tilting her head slightly, "But this diner is the main hang out of you and your friends." The diner made me think of Jasper. What was he doing right now? "You're already thinking about him and you haven't been gone more than an hour."

I scowled at the table. _Don't you have somewhere to be?_

"Actually, I do." Meredith said

_No, wait I didn't mean..._

Meredith had disappeared. I mentally cursed myself. I'd been annoyed that she'd pointed out my weakness for Jasper, but things made so much more sense when Meredith was around to explain them. I turned my attention back to the people surrounding me - my friends, apparently. A middle aged waitress came over to our booth and smiled at us.

"What can I get you?" She asked. Everyone began ordering milkshakes and fries and burgers, and I started to panic. Would it look weird if I didn't order anything? What did I usually order? Where was Meredith when you needed her?

"You still on that crazy ass diet?" Danny asked, turning to me.

"Hu?" I asked, staring at him blankly.

"No carbs, no fat, no sugar, _no food_." Half the people round the table chanted. I stared at them. Were those really _my_ words? They made me sound like a bitchy, spoilt...well, cheerleader. Was that really me? It took me a moment to realise I'd probably come up with the diet as an excuse to not eat.

"Right. Yeah, I gotta watch my weight, right?" I said

"You don't need to." Danny said, his arm snaking around my bare waist, "You look perfect." Of course I did. I was a vampire - designed to attract humans to me before I killed them. And yet, I was dating one of them. I forced myself not to move away from his hold. "Geez Mary, you're freezing. As always. Do you want my jacket?"

"I'm fine." I told him

"You always say that." He said with a frown

"I'm always fine." I retaliated, glad that I seemed to be getting something right with this new character.

"You want some water, sweetie?" The waitress asked me. She smiled at me so encouragingly that I felt it would be rude to not accept.

"That would be great, thank you." I said, smiling back at her. The waitress left to get our order, and the conversation went to sports. It turned out that Danny was head of the football team, which was horribly clichéd because it looked like I was head cheerleader. Most of our group was made up of cheerleaders and footballers, with a couple of other people who would usually be associated with the 'popular crowd'. I assumed that's what we were - popular. It was weird. We'd always blended into the shadows and tried not to attract attention to ourselves - sticking to our own little group. Speaking of our own little group...where the hell were the Cullens?

The waitress returned with the food and with my water. She started talking to some of our group sat at the next booth over. When she finally announced that the diner was closing, everyone jumped back into the cars we'd come in. The pickup went in one direction, and our Mercedes went in another. We drove around the town, stopping at various peoples housing to let them out. When there was enough seats Fern, Kelly and I slipped into the back seats whilst Danny and another guy - Leo, I think his name was - stayed in the front. Eventually, everyone had gone except for me and Danny. I climbed into the front seat, as this seemed like the 'normal' thing to do and Danny smiled at me across the console.

"You were great tonight baby." He told me. I almost frowned, but stopped myself. No one called me 'baby'. Not even Jasper. I'd always found the name...trashy. In short, I didn't like it.

"Thanks." I said, none of my distaste showing in my voice.

"Do you wanna come back to my place, or should I drop you straight home?" Danny asked

"I should probably get home." I said quickly. Danny nodded, looking disappointed. I hoped to god he knew where I lived. What was I supposed to say if he asked for directions? Luckily, he seemed to know his way as he drove through the dark streets.

"Perhaps you could convince your parents to live a little less in the middle of no where." He said, rolling his eyes

"It's not _that_ bad." I said, even though I had no idea how bad it was.

"It's in the middle of Cleveland National Forest!" Danny said. It made sense that our house was still protected by forest. Danny pulled up outside a large modern looking house and cut the engine. "So...when am I going to see inside this house of yours?"

I glanced across at him. We'd been dating for months and he hadn't been inside? There must be a valid reason. Unfortunately, I didn't know that reason, so I just shrugged. "I'd invite you in, but..."

"Yeah, I know." Danny said with a sigh before I could finish. He leaned across the console and kissed me. This time, I couldn't stop myself reacting. I pulled away. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I said with a smile, "See ya Danny."

I slipped out of the car before anything else could go wrong and ran up to the house, making sure to keep my pace at human running speed as I heard Danny's car pulling away. I let myself into the house and shut the door firmly behind me. As I walked into the living room I saw my family; Emmett and Rosalie were cuddled up together on the couch, Esme and Carlisle were watching TV, and Edward was sat in an armchair reading a book. They all looked up as I entered and smiled.

"Hello Mary, did you have a nice night?" Carlisle asked pleasantly. Mary, again.

"Yes thank you Carlisle." I replied. I looked around, "Hey, where's Bella?"

Everyone stared at me. It wasn't easy to shock a vampire.

"Dude, insensitive much?" Emmett finally said. I looked at my family, confused.

"Is this a joke?" Edward asked coldly

"W-What did I do?" I asked

"Bringing up the girl I killed, the reason we moved here." Edward's voice didn't brighten. I stared at him.

"You...killed Bella?" I asked, hardly able to speak, "No, that's not supposed to-"

"That was three years ago, Mary, why would you bring it up now?" Rosalie asked

"I..." I didn't know what to say. "Excuse me."

I rushed out of the house before my family could see me break down. I ran into the forest and hardly waited until I would be out of earshot too let out a cry of pain and sadness. Bella was dead? Edward had killed her...why?

"I told you a lot of things would be different if you hadn't met Jasper." A voice said. I turned around to see Meredith leaning against a tree.

"This is because I never met Jasper?" I asked incredulously, "Why would that make a difference to Bella or Edward?"

"Without having Jasper around, you weren't constantly checking the future for any slip ups." Meredith began to explain, "Which means you never foresaw what Edward was planning - you never had reason to believe he would kill a human. In the life where you knew Jasper, you were there to support Edward and to tell him he would love Bella in the future. In this life, you were too busy with your own human friends to notice or to be there for him."

"I'm not like that." I argued

"Maybe _you're_ not." Meredith said, "The you that's spent decades with Jasper. This other you is different, Alice. Jasper changed you as well as changing your life."

"But...I would never let Edward do something like that!" I said, desperate for it to be a lie.

"By the time you found out, it was too late." Meredith said, "You were busy and not watching the future."

"So...it's my fault Bella's dead?" I asked, feeling my eyes filling with waterless tears.

"No! No!" Meredith said, "Of course it's not! If anyone is to blame it's Edward - it was his decision. I'm just saying that you meeting Jasper changed the course of the future. I'm sure I don't have to explain fate and destiny to someone like you."

"No." I agreed. I of all people knew that one tiny event could change a whole course of events. It could create a domino effect, changing something that wouldn't happen for hundreds of years. And my meeting Jasper wasn't exactly a tiny event...

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I know you're close to Bella."

"Well, it's not real, right?" I said, "I mean, this is just some made up universe to show me what life would be like without Jasper. Bella's still alive in real world, right?"

"Right." Meredith said reassuringly

"So exactly how long am I staying here?" I asked

"As long as it takes." Meredith told me. I rolled my eyes.

"Vague." I commented.

"You should go back to the house. Edward's upset and the rest of the family are wondering what on earth's gotten into you." Meredith told me.

"A little extra info would have been useful." I told her, "A heads up maybe? Ya know, Edward killed Bella three years ago, don't bring it up, okay?"

Meredith shot me a look, "I can't tell you everything about this life. The point of this is that you learn things for yourself."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm failing to see what the point of this really _is_."

"I'm not going to explain this to you again." Meredith told me, "You have to learn this lesson on your own."

"You're about to leave aren't you?" I asked

"Yes." Meredith said, "I'll see you soon, Alice."

"Bye Meredith." I said as she disappeared. I turned back to the house and began making my way back. How was I going to explain myself to my family? I winced as I realised how insensitive I must seem, bringing up Bella after what had happened. I felt like kicking myself.

Instead of going back to the living room when I got back, I headed up the stairs, hearing Edward up there. I followed the sound to a door and knocked lightly. "Edward?"

"Go away Mary." Edward's voice replied. I ignored his request and pushed the door open.

"Edward, I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me." I said, "I...it was like I had a memory lapse or something. I really am sorry."

"Whatever." Edward replied. I lingered in the doorway. I wanted to tell him everything - about how I'd been put into this other body, about Meredith, about his love for Bella in the real world. But Meredith had said that I couldn't tell anyone. And then I realised...Edward could read my mind. Couldn't he read every thought I was having about telling him?

"Edward?" I asked

"Yes?" Edward said

"You know what I'm thinking, right?" I asked

"Yes." Edward said again

"What am I thinking right now?" I asked

"You're confused about my mind reading." Edward said

"That's it?" I asked, pushing thoughts of Meredith, Jasper, and the other life to the front of my mind.

"That's it." Edward said. Weird. "And now you're thinking that it's weird. Why is that weird?"

"Never mind." I said, quickly exiting the room. This was...interesting. So Edward wasn't completely hearing my thoughts? That was something I was going to have to look into. Or ask Meredith about next time she chose to appear in my life.

"Mary?" Emmett was knocking at a door down the hall, but turned when he sensed me, "Oh, there you are."

Relief washed over me as I realised that he'd just revealed which bedroom was mine, as I'd had no idea before. "Hey, Emmett. Were you looking for me?"

"I just wanted to see if you were okay." He said, "You looked upset earlier before you left..."

"I'm fine." I said, which seemed to be becoming my catch phrase of the evening. I smiled at Emmett, "I'm just gunna chill in my room."

"Sure." Emmett said, returning my smile, "I'll go find Rose."

Emmett bounded down the stairs to Rosalie and I opened the door that Emmett had been knocking on moments ago. Inside the room was cluttered with _stuff_. Possessions - things I had no use for in real life. Because I had Jasper - and he was the only thing that I needed. I crashed onto the bed, closing my eyes and picturing Jasper's face. I must have learnt my lesson by now? I knew I needed him! I loved him!

I opened my eyes. I was still here, in this other life. Apparently, Meredith didn't think I'd learnt enough. Just how long was I going to have to stay here?

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**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favourited or followed! :) :) :) :) Let me know what you thought of this chapter... :) Next update soon :) :) :) :) :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Me without You**

Chapter 4

**Day One**

_-Jasper POV-_

"Mr Whitlock?" The teacher called across the room. I looked up sharply at the use of my old name. I guess if I'd never met Alice, I would never had had a reason to change my name. I wouldn't have pretended to be Rosalie's brother; Jasper Hale. I never would have met the Cullens. I swallowed down that thought. A life without Carlisle and Esme, Edward and Emmett and Rose. A life without Alice. "Mr Whitlock, are you listening?"

"Yes." I replied, not trusting myself to say more than that.

"What did I just say?" He asked

"You said 'Mr Whitlock, are you listening?'." I said

"Don't get smart with me!" The teacher snapped as there was a murmur of laughter from the people around me. "Need I remind you that you're already on your last warning, Mr Whitlock?"

Hmm...that was interesting. If I had wanted to blend in at this school, why had I done whatever it was that had gotten me those warnings? Attracted attention to myself by misbehaving?

"You don't need to remind me." I said

"Good." He said, glaring at me, "Pay attention!"

He went back to talking about Trigonometry and I went back to ignoring him. Someone next to me nudged my elbow and I turned to see a boy with jet black spiked hair and stormy grey-blue eyes. "Don't go getting suspended again Jasper. I need you here to help me with Shannon."

"What?" I asked. Who was this guy? How did he know me? Who was Shannon? Why did he need my help with her? What was even happening right now?

"Shannon, remember?" He said, "The girl I've been in love with since third grade?"

"I didn't even know you in third grade." I said, confident that I couldn't have known him - unless third grade now taught kids that easily looked old enough to buy alcohol.

"Not the point." The boy said, "You've known me for...almost three years? And in those three years, how much progress have I made with Shannon?"

"Not much?" I guessed

"None!" He said, "None, Jasper! You promised you'd help me, so don't make any plans to get yourself expelled any time soon!"

"Right. Sure." I said. I had no such plans. I did, however, plan on finding out who the hell this was, and what the hell he was talking about. "Hey, what-"

"Mr Whitlock, Mr Cross!" The teacher yelled across the classroom, "Would you be kind enough to stop talking during my lesson? Or do I need to send you to the principle?"

"That won't be necessary Mr Jetsom." The boy next to me said smoothly. The teacher - Mr Jetsom - turned back to the board with a 'humph'. I sat in silence for the rest of the lesson, staring at the desk. Half an hour passed before the bell rang out shrilly, signalling the end of the lesson and the end of the school day. I followed the boy who had sat next to me out of the room, assuming we were friends of some kind. He had said I'd known him for almost three years, so I guessed we knew each other pretty well. I wasn't the kind of person who made friends with humans, and yet here I was. I thought about what Meredith had told me about my control. It was true; I hardly felt any thirst around these humans. But how was it possible that my control was better in this life? Alice helped me with my control, all of the Cullen's did. Could it be that depriving myself of human blood, and only feeding from animals actually made my control worse? It was certainly looking that way. Meredith had said I hunted before and after school, and I was fine for the rest of the day.

"Hey, Liam! Jasper! Wait up!" A girl called, running up behind us. She was quite tall, with mousy hair and freckles on her cheeks. The boy - Liam, presumably - smiled as the girl jumped onto his back and wrapped her legs around his waste. He made a big deal of prying her off of him, smiling all the while. Their exchange reminded me of Alice and myself, joking and messing around. But I had thought Liam didn't have a relationship. I thought he was busy pining after whoever the hell Shannon was. I suppose it could be possible that this girl was just great friends with Liam. I know that I thought of Alice as my best friend, as well as my wife.

"Get off, Shannon!" Liam said mock-annoyed.

Wait. Back up. _This_ was Shannon? _This_ was the girl that Liam had been in love with since the third grade? And he said he'd made no progress with her?

"Where are you guys headed?" Shannon asked, sliding off of Liam's back and walking in between him and me.

"Friday night means hitting the gym." Liam reminded her

"Oooh, can I come?" Shannon asked

"Want to check out my rock hard abs whilst I'm working out?" Liam teased

"Rock hard abs?" Shannon asked, "You wish. I want to see you cry like a little girl."

That was when it hit me. It was so obvious that it almost made me laugh. Liam had been well and truly friend-zoned. Poor guy. And he was in love with this chick? Really, poor guy.

"Whaddya think, Jasper?" Liam asked me, "Should we let Shannon come with us?"

Shannon was looking at me with a slight pout and an eyelash flutter. The look reminded me of the way Alice looked at me whenever she wanted something. "Pleeeeease Jasper?" She asked, dragging out the 'e' for as long as her breath would let her.

"Sure, if you want." I said. I stiffened as Shannon threw her arms around my neck in thanks, but then relaxed. Even this close contact wasn't making my thirst uncontrollable. In fact, I was completely fine with it. Back in the other world even Bella - whom I was used to, and knew I would never hurt - would have driven me crazy with this kind of proximity. Things were just getting stranger and stranger by the minute.

"Did you leave your gym stuff at home?" Liam asked me

"Hu?" I asked

"I remind you every week to bring it to school, and every week you leave it at home." He said. Vampires had perfect memory, which meant there must be a reason I always left it at home. Either way, I didn't have it on me right now so I must have 'forgotten' it again. Liam rolled his eyes, "We'll meet you there?"

"Sure." I said and he was gone before I realised my mistake; I had no idea where the gym was. Or where 'home' was for that matter. And even if I _could_ find home, what did I usually wear to the gym? This was going to be harder than I thought. I looked out across the parking lot. Did I have a car? Probably, but _which one_? I fished in my school bag - which had been next to my desk when I arrived in the classroom - and found a keyring with three keys attached. One was large and gold and looked like a house key, another was small and silver and looked like something used to open a locked cabinet or box. The third key was unmistakably the key to a jaguar. I scanned the parking lot full of pick ups and inconspicuous Fords and Volkswagens. A shiny orange jaguar convertible was by far the most expensive car there. Way to blend in Jasper.

I unlocked the car and slipped inside. I turned on the engine and pulled out of the parking lot even though I had no idea where to go after that. I began circling the block, hoping that inspiration would strike. It wasn't so much that the gentle lullaby voice startled me, it was just that I hadn't expected Meredith to come back. Even though she'd said she would, a part of me had feared that I'd be stuck here forever. "Your house is in the opposite direction."

I whirled the car around in a very illegal U-turn and started down the other side of the road. "Some help would have been useful before you decided to just leave me there to figure things out for myself."

"Make a left here." Meredith told me, "I can't be here all the time telling you the ins and outs of this life."

"Why does there have to be a 'this life'?" I asked

"Take the next right, then the second exit on the roundabout." Meredith said, "I'm sure I've already told you this Jasper. You need to truly understand your relationship with Alice and it's significance."

"It hasn't done any good so far." I said, "All I know is that I want Alice back. I miss her. I don't understand why you're putting me through this."

"You make it sound like a punishment, Jasper." Meredith said

"It feels like a punishment." I said, slowing for a red light.

"You've done nothing wrong." Meredith assured me, "This isn't to punish you. It's to help you - and everyone else in this world!"

I slapped my hands against the steering wheel. "Dammit, why us?"

"The fact that you have to ask shows that you haven't learnt enough here yet." She told me. The light turned green but I didn't move, causing the cars behind to honk and overtake angrily. I held Meredith's gaze for a moment, but she told me no more. "Apartment 4B. Your address is programmed into the GPS, think of checking that? So is the gym. But you don't make the excuse of forgetting your clothes every week just to nip home. You need to hunt."

Before I could reply she had faded away into nothing. Damn angel. Why couldn't she just be a vampire or a werewolf or a human? That I would have been able to deal with...but this? This I had no idea how to handle. I knew nothing about angels or what they brought with them. I didn't have any knowledge of alternative universes or whatever the hell I'd been thrown into. More honks from behind me pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up my home address in the GPS and headed that way. I thought about Meredith's words. _You don't make the excuse of forgetting your clothes every week just to nip home_. There was something I needed to do, but I hadn't done it in so many years now. Since meeting Alice, I'd never intentionally hunted a human. I'd had slip ups, yes, but I'd always planned on feeding from animals. But what did I do now?

_You need to hunt._

Would I be able to handle living off of animal blood in this life? If I had to go to school every day and face all those humans? Meredith had said that I got by because I fed from human blood before and after school. What would happen if I were to stop that? If I were to live off animal blood? Could I risk it when I was about to go and socialize with humans straight after?

I pulled up outside the block of apartments that I apparently lived in. I stared out of the windshield at the building for a few counts before finally plucking up the courage to leave the car and make my way inside. The security was poor and I found that the front door didn't even lock. I walked through the lobby and up the stairs to apartment 4B. I had always thought of stairs as safer than elevators, for unknown reasons.

I used the gold key from my keychain to open the door and stepped into my apartment. It was furnished lightly, but it had character all the same. There were a lot of books, which was no surprise. I'd always enjoyed reading, both as a human and as a vampire. I went through to the bedroom and saw a gym bag lying on the bed, presumably so I could quickly grab my gym clothes and go hunting so I could get to the gym without taking a suspiciously long time.

I took the gym bag and made my way back down to the car, where I sat for several minutes. Would I do this? _Could_ I do this? Could I really throw away decades of careful practice in making me vegetarian by hunting a human? Meredith hadn't seemed so bothered about it. She had made it sound like I couldn't _not_ do it, if I wanted to keep control at school, that is. But what would Alice think? She was always so understanding when I slipped up - she never got mad, she never told me that I'd done wrong or that I had failed. She always said it was okay, we'd work on it. It doesn't matter, we all do it sometimes. But I knew that wasn't really the truth. She'd learned to hide her emotions well, but anyone could see the faint glimmer of sadness in her eyes. I could always feel the disappointment. Not so much in me because I'd done wrong, but because I knew that there was always a part of her that hoped that would be it now. That would be the last time. It never was. And each time, she had to learn that all our efforts had been pointless. It had happened again, Jasper's lost control. I don't know why she ever put up with me. I don't know why she didn't just leave me. When I come home with blood on my hands and crimson in my eyes...how can she stay with me? How can she even _face_ me?

But she always does. She always smiles, and she always acts like it never happened. I knew that if I hunted a human now, she wouldn't hold it against me. When she found out she'd smile reassuringly and say, "Don't worry about it, Jazz. It happens to all of us, right? We'll work on it." She'd always forgive me. But I didn't want her to have to forgive me in the first place. I didn't want to give her a reason to have to forgive me. I wanted to be the man she wanted me to be - the man she deserved.

I rested my head against the steering wheel. What was I supposed to do now? My mind was telling me to live up to Alice's expectations - to the expectations of all the Cullen's. I knew that it would be the right thing to do. It was what I _wanted_. I didn't want to kill innocent humans. My body was telling me to listen to my vampire instincts. I needed that blood. That human blood. Otherwise, how would I control myself at school? Without Alice there to help me, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from killing everyone in sight. I needed the human blood to keep my control, or else even more people would end up dead.

On that last thought, I pulled out of the driveway and headed downtown. This was something I just had to do. I could beg forgiveness later, when the time came. Alice would always forgive me, as long as I could forgive myself...

~o.O.o~

After the hunt, the venom in my eyes had burned through the contacts I'd been wearing. Luckily, I found spare pairs in the gym bag and put fresh ones in. I hadn't looked at the man I'd killed. It was better that way. If I didn't put a face to the pain I felt through my gift, then it wouldn't be so bad. The pain was awful - I'd almost forgotten what I felt when I killed a human. But it was good - I deserved that pain. It was a sharp reminder that this was wrong. With a capital 'W'.

As soon as I could, I was going to sort myself out. I would _not_ keep hurting innocent humans this way. But for now, whilst I was still getting used to this new life, it was better to just do what I normally did. And that, apparently, was to feed off of human blood.

I checked my reflection in the sun visor - mostly for traces of red eyes or blood on my lips - before swinging out of the car and heading towards the gym doors. I found my membership card in the gym bag and flashed it at the receptionist, who smiled and let me in. I got changed and headed into the main gym. I found Liam on weights, showing off to Shannon. She was watching him with obvious admiration. Maybe not so friend-zoned after all. I wondered if either one of them knew how much the other loved them or lusted after them. I certainly knew, and it made me feel sick as I compared them to Alice and myself.

"Jasper! You took your time!" Liam said.

"I couldn't remember where I put my membership card." I lied smoothly. I'd probably taken longer than usual to hunt, because the whole time I was having a moral battle in my mind.

"Liam's super strong, isn't he Jasper?" Shannon asked.

"He's the wrong person to be asking." Liam said, "I'm pretty sure Jasper could lift a two-tonne truck if he put his mind to it."

Shannon raised an eyebrow, "Stronger than Liam?"

I laughed lightly, "I would say so, yes."

"I sense a bet coming on!" Shannon said excitedly.

"Hell no, Jasper would win hands down!" Liam said

"Scared, Liam?" Shannon asked.

"No." Liam scoffed.

"I tell you what, whichever one of you wins - I'll buy you a pizza, right?" Shannon said. I was about to tell her that the whole point of a bet was that the loser lost something, not the bystander, but I had an idea.

"Sure. Sounds good." I said. Shannon had basically just offered a date. Although, I suspected that if _I_ were to win it would be a more friendly affair. If Liam were to win, however, it may just blossom into something more.

"Wait! I'll go get a coin to toss to see who goes first!" Shannon said, and then she disappeared.

"She's gunna think I'm a wimp! Dude, you've gotta-" Liam began.

"Let you win." I interrupted, "I know."

Liam smiled at me gratefully, "I owe you."

"I know." I said again.

"Tell you what, next time you set your sights on a girl, I'll help you out, alright?" Liam asked.

"I don't think that'll happen any time soon." I said.

"Hmm. I've been meaning to talk to you about that." Liam said, "It's been a hell of a long time since you've had a girl in your life."

A thought occurred to me. If I'd never met Alice, would I have ever had a girlfriend? If I had human friends, there wasn't a reason _not_ to have a human girlfriend, was there? I'd never even imagined it - I was forever faithful to Alice - but everything seemed to be backwards in this life. "How long?"

"Well...your last girlfriend would have been Katie." Liam said, "And that was about 5 months ago now?"

It physically hurt. I'd had another girlfriend? How could that even be possible? I knew that I hadn't met Alice in this strange messed up life, but until now some part of me had still kind of thought that we were destined to be together. Like, I wouldn't have any girlfriend until I did eventually meet her. Which was stupid, obviously. Even in real life, I'd had girlfriends before meeting Alice. It was crazy to expect me to live centuries and never have a girlfriend. But it still felt wrong.

"Okay, ready?" Shannon asked, bouncing back. "Liam, heads or tails?"

"Heads." Liam said.

"Okay, heads it's Liam; tails it's Jasper." Shannon said. She flipped the coin up and at a lightning speed that neither of the humans saw, my hand flashed out and turned the coin so that it had to land on heads. I needed Liam to go first, so that I would know how little I needed to lift to let him win. "Heads! Liam, you go first!"

The competition didn't last very long, and Shannon squealed and clapped her hands in congratulations when she declared that Liam had won. I'd said that I was heading home and subtly suggested that they go and get that pizza now. So, they'd driven off to go on their first date - even if neither of them knew it yet - and I'd headed back to the apartment.

Meredith was waiting for me when I got back, sat down on the sofa flicking through the TV channels. I had to do a double take. What had happened to the posh, mysterious, angelic creature that she'd first been? Now, she looked like a teenager. Except for, you know, the glow that surrounded her. "Hi Jasper."

"Hi?" It came out as a question, but Meredith didn't comment.

"That was a nice thing you did back there, letting Liam win." She said. I stared at her. Of course she knew - she was an angel, she knew everything. I shrugged.

"They're obviously both in love with each other, and if they didn't go on a date soon they never would." I said.

"You're settling into this new life quite well, I think." Meredith said, standing up and turning to face me.

"I don't intend to stay long enough to settle in." I said, but Meredith only laughed.

"You have to stay until the lesson has been learned." She said. I didn't bother starting another argument by asking 'why?'.

"Couldn't you just tell me what I need to do?" I tried.

"It doesn't really work like that." Meredith said

"Of course it doesn't." I said. I sounded like a brat, but I wasn't feeling too co-operative right now. I wanted to get home to Alice, where I was sure of everything going on in my world. I didn't want to be in this place where everything was different and confusing. "Is there anything I should know about this life?"

"Not anything that you can't figure out on your own." Meredith said. Then she considered for a moment. "You may want to stay away from a girl called Maya Darren."

"Why?" I asked

"I can't say." Meredith said, "Just take the advice, Jasper."

The advice had only confused me further, and I scowled. "This sucks."

Meredith laughed, "Sorry. There's not much I can do about that." I rolled my eyes. I was sure there was a lot of things she could do if she really wanted. "No I can't!" And of course, she could read my thoughts. This was more annoying than being around Edward. At least he attempted to give us some privacy. "I'm not trying to invade your privacy!"

"Stop answering my thoughts then." I snapped

"Fine. I'll leave." She said

"No, wait!" I said, but she was already gone. Stupid angel.

I turned back to the apartment that would be my home for the foreseeable future. Everything about it screamed _Jasper_ - the carefully organised possessions, the piles of books, the clothes hung neatly in the closet. But it was missing one crucial thing; Alice. I missed her quirky little ornaments, the fresh flowers she picked from the forest, the splashes of colour, and the messy pile of shoes in the bottom of her wardrobe. The whole place was considerably Alice lacking.

Tonight was going to be a long night.

* * *

**A/N: Maaaaaassive thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and to everyone who favourited or followed :) :) :) Sorry I took a while to update, but real life has been super busy :/**

**Hope you liked the chapter - let me know in a review :)**


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